MTF Butches

One thing I noticed with transition is that you have to be comfortable with the fact that people will still see your butch presentation as a cue to refer to you in masculine ways. In fact, almost every butch or androgynous cis woman I know faces this as well, but you can have fun with it. I just had a conversation with a lesbian identified woman who, while she does not identify as butch, has been in situations in which it sounds almost like active and targeted taunting because of perceived gender/sexual non-conformity.

So inadvertent or not, misgendering will most likely happen to you more often then if you presented more gender normative. The other day I was hanging flayers up around campus which required me to interact with a lot of new people. I was wearing my usual duds, button up shirt with an over sweater (sometimes go for the vests ‘cause vests are awesome). It was almost comical how inconsistently I was gendered. The most striking was when two people, standing right next to each other, used different pronouns. I found it pretty hilarious after the fact because I’ve become so comfortable in my skin as a woman, in part because my friends and lovers are very affirming for me. However, it still can feel very uncomfortable, frustrating, and potentially triggering.

A positive aspect that is born out of negative social structures is that I tend to be more accepted in explicitly queer spaces than more femme presenting trans women I know. This is a fucked up manifestation of femmephobia. I guess it makes me queer enough to hang with the those cool queer kids? If I sound flippant to the queer community, I am. I’m calling out the bullshit. Also, the idea of butch trans women, like femme trans guys is often invisible in the wider trans community and the LGB community. So be prepared to be someone’s first encounter with the concept. Be prepared to get asked, “why didn’t you just stay as a straight man?” Saying: “but I never was” often falls flat to those who place the emphasis on sexuality and dismiss gender as a separate (but perhaps related) concept.

Personally, I’m not sure how gender-normative I have been in the past. Though I was a punk back in the day, combat boots and liberty spikes. I was the small framed kid who got tossed around in the pit but would just keep coming back for more (because I loved the bruises I got after; poking at them the morning after a good show). I was never had a very masculine presence aside from the punk persona. These things never were looked at as odd when it was a boy doing them. My best friend growing up was a total tomboy; we literally climbed trees and caught frogs together. She was side-eyed because of it while I was not. Fast-forward to my transition: I’ve gotten weird looks in the pit way more-so than before transition. Before they would humor this kid and throw me around like the rest of them. Now they look concerned and almost exasperated that they have to “tone it down.” I have to prove that I can tear up the dance floor and stomp around with the best of them.

On the other hand: I knit. I don’t knit often or very well but I do enjoy it. A friend taught me before I came out and I was treated like this weird novelty when I went into a knitting store. Now it’s just a mundane skill, no ticker tape parade.

Things you never had to fight for getting recognized as being able to do, you may have to, and things you used to be recognized for will fade away into obscurity. Transitioning provides you a very unique vantage point to observe the subtle intersections of misogyny and sexism in our culture, to what is valued and what is not in relation to your gender expression.

So the butch aspect of my transition is neither positive nor negative, it is an aspect which highlights certain aspects of the prevailing social order over others.

I hope this helps somewhat.