MTF Butches

The I don’t care list, an open letter to becoming allies

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 22:31:25 -0400

I don’t care about your feelings of confusion around my gender.
I don’t care about your armchair gender theory, where you tell me how we should “do away with gender” without proposing any solutions to existing oppressive structures.
I don’t care that your gay friend, or even your white trans man friend, used the term “tranny,” you don’t know the effect of that word and have no right to “reclaim” it.
I don’t care when you tell me about how you saw this really fucked up transphobic/transmisogynist thing. Don’t tell me, I know it exists and it’s pervasive. This applies to any intersection of oppression I may inhabit. What I want to hear is what you DID about it in that moment. Otherwise, see my previous lack of caring.
I don’t care about being your go-to “call out” person on all things trans*. If you are my ally, my friend, our relationship has to be more than me calling you out. Putting the onus on me to identify when I need to call you out is exactly the kind of pressure allies are supposed to relieve. Friends get angry with each other, and that is how friendship is tested and understanding is built.
I care about a lot of things, and that list is far longer. This list itself is in fact an expression of care, a care for myself. Be my ally, wholly and truly in that struggle.

[A/N: presented this as part of my allyship workshop at the Philadelphia Trans Health Conference. People seemed to enjoy it and someone asked me for a copy, so here it is for anyone else interested. -Brynn Cassidy (Cass)]

Philly Trans* Health Conference:

Sun, 16 Jun 2013 15:33:23 -0400

was amazing because of all the wonderful queers I got to see, some old friends, some new ones near and far. A few people recognized me “from the internet” which was lovely! Keep being weird queermos. -MtFB

[A white trans woman with short blond hair wearing a black SF...

Fri, 14 Jun 2013 18:30:18 -0400

[A white trans woman with short blond hair wearing a black SF Citadel tank top, white suspenders, blue jeans, and glasses with a leather motorcycle jacket slung over one shoulder]

[Chest up shot of a white trans woman, with slicked back...

Thu, 30 May 2013 18:30:18 -0400

[Chest up shot of a white trans woman, with slicked back pompadour style hair, in a red button up shirt and a black bandana made into a tie.]

GPOY time MTFButchers! Here’s a pic of me dressed up for the Genderfloomp dance party at WisCon.

L’Action Santé Travesti(e)s et Transsexuel(le)s du Québec, a really important by-and-for group...

Wed, 29 May 2013 18:30:35 -0400

L’Action Santé Travesti(e)s et Transsexuel(le)s du Québec, a really important by-and-for group working primarily with trans women in my hometown has put together an amazing trans shelter access guide and is raising money to fund it. Trans women are routinely banned from both mens and women’s shelters here in Montréal, a city where winter temperatures routinely drop to -20 C (-4 F) - this guide will hopefully be a beginning step in changing that, and if it is published could also be of use to activists in other communities. This is the funding link (scroll down for English):

http://www.gofundme.com/306smk

I am not personally involved with this organisation, but the work they do is so important for all of us and I wanted to share. Here is an English copy of their press release from this year’s deep freeze discussing the shelter situation [trigger warning] :

http://sketchythoughts.blogspot.ca/2013/01/transsexual-and-transgender-women.html

Donate if you can, pass it on if you can’t!

That’s me on the right.

Tue, 28 May 2013 18:30:20 -0400

That’s me on the right.

Help a TWOC survive summer

Thu, 16 May 2013 15:39:00 -0400

Help a TWOC survive summer:

mocosyamores:

Hi everyone,

I’m getting over my shame and internalized ableism and asking for help. I’m a chronically ill unemployed trans gurl who just left sex work (as in, yesterday) because I finally lost my shit. I’m also moving out of my abusive household in June, around the 15th or so. I don’t have a place to stay yet so the more money I have saved up, the more likely someone is going to trust me to move in with them.

Thanks to sex work and friends donating, I’ve saved up $2,000 for deposits, first/last month’s rent, housing applications, etc. I’m trying to raise another $2,000 to get me through the summer. Starting September/October, I should be receiving financial aid from my university, so that will help.

To give you an idea of where the money is going:
- Rent for a shared room is $500-$550/month
- Utilities are anywhere between $20-$60/month
- I’m limiting myself to $100-$125/month for food
- Gas is $40 a full tank, so about a $80/month if I do this right

I’ll also be looking for a job at this time. I have an open interview tomorrow so hopefully I’ll get called for a second interview!

Important to note! My memoir, Trauma Queen, is aiming to be published on May 31st, 2013. It’s going to cost $20, so if you want to hold off donating to buy the book, that’s totally understandable. I have a collection of writing and art here (x) that you can read/watch, and a zine here (x). I’ll also be selling various articles of clothing, shoes, collector’s items, etc. in the next week or so.

Signal boosting would be appreciated, and any donations would be very helpful. <3

¡Gracias! / Thank you!,
Lovemme/Sirena

-

P.S. (if the link doesn’t work, there’s a donate button on my page.)

Community-based support signal boost. Give what you can and reblog.

Hi, I’ve never submitted here before, but I’m...

Wed, 15 May 2013 18:30:46 -0400

Hi, I’ve never submitted here before, but I’m feeling fluey and somewhat dissonant/dysphoric so positive feedback is always appreciated. Anyway, this is me. Hope you all like it. :)

[Photo is of a tall, thin, white, MAAB person with short brown hair an oval face and blue eyes. Ze is wearing a black button shirt and red trousers with lipstick of the same blood red shade and a silver ball shaped pendant on a chain. Ze is smiling at the camera.]

Trans 101 for Trans People

Mon, 13 May 2013 21:31:06 -0400

Trans 101 for Trans People:

tranwrecks:

A Trans 101 For Trans People

You are human. You are worthy of respect. You deserve to be treated with the same dignity as anyone else. There is nothing inherently wrong with your gender. You are not broken, you are not disgusting, you do not deserve to be hurt.

You’ve been brought up and live in a world that’s designed to erase and demonize your existence, you’ve probably internalized a lot of that- and that’s not your fault. But it can be hard to deal with. But you aren’t alone in dealing with it. And sometimes you have to buy into it to be able to handle it (trigger warning: transphobic violence). And that’s okay.

Your gender is no more or less than anyone else’s. Your history doesn’t make you “not really” or “less” your gender than someone with a cis history, it just makes you a person of your gender with a different history.

You do not deserve to be held to higher standards than cis people. You do not have to “prove” your gender by forcing yourself into societal roles that may not fit. You are not “failing” anyone by fitting into societal roles that are comfortable. It is not your job to break down the binary/patriarchy/or anything else. If you want to, go for it, but you have no obligation to do anything for cis people just because you are trans.

Being yourself does not hurt trans rights (so long as you aren’t trying to do so while stopping others from being who they are) and is not a reason why people don’t have to treat you with respect. There is nothing wrong with being a feminine man or masculine woman, or being a person who’s comfortable in their body, or being a person who doesn’t transition all the way, or being out about having a non-binary or genderqueer gender. You have not “failed” anyone by doing this, you are not “less” of your gender than someone else. Being who you are is not a valid argument for why people can’t treat you as who you truly are.

No one else has the right to say your body needs to be changed. It only does if you need to change it. Or if you want to change it, that’s valid, too. Your body does not make you “less” your gender. It doesn’t make you “not really” your gender. It doesn’t mean you’re trapped in someone else’s body. You do not have to fix your body to “become” your gender- you already are your gender. All you need to do is what you need to do to be comfortable in your body. And if that includes reclaiming your right to label your own body, you are allowed to do that.

You have just as much of a right to privacy as anyone else. You do not need to tell anyone about your body, your medical history, or anything else. Whether or not your body needs to be changed for you to be comfortable, you do not have to change it to deserve to be treated as who you are. You do not owe anyone intimate details about your personal life before you can be treated as who you are.

You have no obligation to educate anyone. This includes trans people, but is most important with cis people. You are not a walking encyclopedia of transgender and/or transsexual information, you are a person. You do not have to answer every question any cis person comes up with, you do not have to represent trans people as a whole, (see 7) you do not have to bare the most personal and vulnerable parts of your soul to other people on demand.

Not educating people does not “hurt” trans rights. NEVER let anyone try to guilt you into educating people or doing something you don’t want to do by insisting that doing otherwise will “destroy trans rights/acceptance/whatever”. Trying to force trans people to become walking information desks or to put themselves in dangerous situations regardless of whether or not you’re even up for dealing with this destroys trans rights and shows a great deal of intolerance. Asserting that you don’t have to tell anyone anything you don’t want to? That really doesn’t.

If you do want to educate people, you are allowed to set limits and boundaries. You are allowed to say that you won’t talk about certain issues, or that you will only talk about them on your terms. You are allowed to decide which people you will talk to about which issues. You are allowed to change these boundaries if you become uncomfortable educating people you were previously willing to educate. You are not obligated to educate anyone just because you educated someone else.

You deserve to take care of yourself- whatever that means. You deserve to be comfortable and safe. You deserve not to be in dangerous situations. If you can’t handle something alone, you deserve to ask for- and get- help or, if you can, take a break from it until you can handle it. Or just stop doing it all together, that’s okay. Taking care of yourself does not make you weak, it does not make you an attention-grabber or overdramatic, it does not make you “less” your gender, it does not mean you betray other trans people by not being a full-time (or even part-time) activist. You’re human, you have limits, and that’s okay.

You deserve to have your boundaries respected. Any boundaries- how and where people can touch you, what information you give to who and when, what places you feel comfortable going or who you feel comfortable going with, what people can tell others about you.

You deserve to have the words you are and aren’t comfortable being referred to as respected. You deserve to have the proper pronouns used (and, if there are times when it’s unsafe for that to happen, you deserve to have your safety maintained by those around you), you deserve to be called the proper name, you deserve to have the words you want used to describe your body used, you deserve not to be called by any label, pronoun, word, or name that you don’t want to be called.

If you’re asking for something that you need to feel respected, comfortable, and safe- you are not asking for too much. Your identity is not “too complicated”. Your needs are not less important than anyone elses’.

You are human. You are worthy of respect. You deserve to be treated with the same dignity as anyone else. There is nothing inherently wrong with your gender. You are not broken, you are not disgusting, you do not deserve to be hurt.

I'm a woman who loves men, but I also find butch women attractive. I'm a very feminie woman and I don't find other feminine women attractive though. Am I bisexual? I'm very confused, these feelings are new to me.

Sun, 12 May 2013 14:06:00 -0400

I can’t really tell you your sexuality, but you could certainly identify as bisexual, pansexual, queer, or you could define your sexuality as wibbly wobbly. The important bit is finding a label that fits you or abandoning those labels. You say you are attracted to more than one gender identity. You only mention women and men, but you may not in fact know what someone’s gender identity is just by meeting them. You also say you have a particular preference for types of gender expressions (butch gender expressions being one). Formulating that into one word is difficult and very confusing.

It is okay to say that you don’t yet know and are exploring these feelings. It’s okay to never know for sure.

Just make sure you respect someone’s gender identity, always deferring to their own idea of who they are. This information may shift the scope of your attraction and the words you feel comfortable using that will at the same time respect the other person’s gender.

FROM Tranny Power: Step Off: Trans women of color own these intersections; an inaugural post

Sat, 11 May 2013 18:30:32 -0400

FROM Tranny Power: Step Off: Trans women of color own these intersections; an inaugural post:

janetmock:

trannypowah:

TW: transmisogyny, racism, violence directed at camab trans people of color

There is a place in this world full of horror, untranslatable. Here, in the midst of violence inconceivable, we struggle. Would you envy us, if you knew?

As trans women and camab trans people of color, we inhabit a…

Learn it, and learn it well - from the brilliant minds behind a new space called Tranny Power which is ”a Take-Shit-From-No-One TWOC (trans women/femmes/genderescents of color) blog.”

And yes, this blog is a reclamation of a word that still stings many women - so please if you’re not a trans woman don’t go around shouting “Tranny” as your own.

2744) My friend (who doesn't know I'm trans, and just thinks I'm any other girl) said "Haha, I just noticed, you look really butch!" and when I probably looked really offended, she said "Don't worry, manly women are really cute!" She seemed sincere (and since she's bi I guess that may be her preferences), but it did hurt because looking like a man is the last thing I want.

Sat, 11 May 2013 15:13:00 -0400

I would say that butch does not necessarily imply manly, though I get where she is coming from and probably was sincere about her attraction to women like that, while still viewing them as women. I mean a lot of cis women fit into that category not because they intentionally try and look more masculine in a cultural sense (though there is certainly that), but because they just do for whatever reason. Facial/bone structure, body type, and even voice depth.

However, just saying “love your body” is unhelpful and condescending so I don’t want to come across like that, but I would say it is important to keep in mind body/sex/gender diversity in everyone, not just trans identified folk.

Gotta remember to log into my personal account before i reblog things.

Fri, 10 May 2013 23:22:16 -0400

Gotta remember to log into my personal account before i reblog things.

i'm on the pretenbians site

Thu, 09 May 2013 21:20:12 -0400

theaetherealmeadow:

mtfbutches:

theaetherealmeadow:

torn1990:

i kind of want to talk more with Cathy Brennan on her ideas about trans women and how she refuses to see us as women and such.

i didn’t know who she was until after i had dialogued a bit on the site and then found myself on the front page.

I’m always wanting to grow and understand myself more.. esp. as a feminist, and as someone who since I was very young always thought of myself as a girl. When I found the option to transition I was really surprised and didn’t think it was possible. My body had always been a cage, and society has had the key. But does transitioning not actually make me a woman? or does it allow me to transition to feel better about myself only. Is it just makeup, hormones, and psychology? Is my having a “penis” actually offensive in my calling myself a woman and not the right thing todo?

or is it how i’m calling myself a woman. Are there different ways?

I like to see myself as a “trans woman” not just a “woman” because i feel like the experiences are so much different..

I DON’T KNOW.. should i walk any further into this?

Ofcourse it’s transphobic, but is that rightfully so? I just feel like trans women could benefit so much from women’s spaces.. but is it the right thing to be pushing for?

so lost. If any rad fems want to have a dialogue with me about this hit me up.

Don’t apologize for calling yourself a woman. It’s not offensive to refer to yourself as being the person that you are.

I think trans women can also greatly benefit from womens’ spaces. I would say there are definitely more similarities in cis womens’ and trans womens’ lived experiences than there are differences. The vast majority of cis feminists these days are pro trans woman inclusion. It’s just the ones that are exclusionary are a very loud minority.

Don’t even bother engaging with CB. You just can’t reason with her. She’s like a broken tape recorder: “You’re male, you’re male, you’re male, you’re male…” I’m also on the pretendbians website, because I made a meme about her calling the FBI on Oakland Occupy Patriarchy when they were planning a protest against a conference that fronted itself as anti-sex trafficking, but in reality would give just police more power to criminalize youth who are involved in the sex trade and fuck up their lives even more.

CB brands herself as a crusader against male violence against women. Don’t fall for that shit. She doesn’t consider that her career as an attorney for mortgage bankers makes her exactly the type of person who has the institutional power to create poverty in our communities that forces women and children into sex trafficking in the first place. If she really was a crusader against male violence against women, she wouldn’t be defending bankers in court, but in the end she’s nothing but bourgeois scum with a creepy, obsessive hatred for sex workers and trans women.

Something that I don’t get with CB (of which there are many things) is since she focuses on the issue of trans* women claiming the identity of a lesbian as invalid, how does she view self-identified cis lesbians dating trans* women? Would she try to police their identity as well? Anyone know if CB has said anything explicit on that topic? I’m not one for engaging with TERFs in general, and CB in particular, but I’m curious as to what would be the position on this issue. What, is it some sort of sexual false consciousness propagated by the transsexual menace (as if we had mind control beams)? I’m just wondering how lesbians dating us of their own volition could be turned into our fault somehow. ‘Cause it totally is our fault… for bein’ all sexy like.

Pardon my sarcasm. *ducks from impending TERF war*

I’m not sure about what CB specifically thinks about cis lesbians in relationships with trans women, but from what I gather is that the consensus of most trans exclusionary feminists is that they either aren’t “real lesbians”, and are in fact bi/het, or that they were somehow brainwashed and coerced into the relationship, which is quite ironic given that they accept bi/het “political lesbians” as lesbians, but police the indentities of non-political lesbians who are in a relationship with a trans woman.

Perhaps not ironic, just very telling. All that is really saying is that interacting with a trans woman taints you. It is clear puerile hatred. If you don’t hate who I hate, and if worse you love and celebrate what I hate, then you can be completely dismissed; you are just wrong wrong wrong. It is rather disturbing how accurately that sums up TERFs.

i'm on the pretenbians site

Thu, 09 May 2013 19:50:42 -0400

theaetherealmeadow:

torn1990:

i kind of want to talk more with Cathy Brennan on her ideas about trans women and how she refuses to see us as women and such.

i didn’t know who she was until after i had dialogued a bit on the site and then found myself on the front page.

I’m always wanting to grow and understand myself more.. esp. as a feminist, and as someone who since I was very young always thought of myself as a girl. When I found the option to transition I was really surprised and didn’t think it was possible. My body had always been a cage, and society has had the key. But does transitioning not actually make me a woman? or does it allow me to transition to feel better about myself only. Is it just makeup, hormones, and psychology? Is my having a “penis” actually offensive in my calling myself a woman and not the right thing todo?

or is it how i’m calling myself a woman. Are there different ways?

I like to see myself as a “trans woman” not just a “woman” because i feel like the experiences are so much different..

I DON’T KNOW.. should i walk any further into this?

Ofcourse it’s transphobic, but is that rightfully so? I just feel like trans women could benefit so much from women’s spaces.. but is it the right thing to be pushing for?

so lost. If any rad fems want to have a dialogue with me about this hit me up.

Don’t apologize for calling yourself a woman. It’s not offensive to refer to yourself as being the person that you are.

I think trans women can also greatly benefit from womens’ spaces. I would say there are definitely more similarities in cis womens’ and trans womens’ lived experiences than there are differences. The vast majority of cis feminists these days are pro trans woman inclusion. It’s just the ones that are exclusionary are a very loud minority.

Don’t even bother engaging with CB. You just can’t reason with her. She’s like a broken tape recorder: “You’re male, you’re male, you’re male, you’re male…” I’m also on the pretendbians website, because I made a meme about her calling the FBI on Oakland Occupy Patriarchy when they were planning a protest against a conference that fronted itself as anti-sex trafficking, but in reality would give just police more power to criminalize youth who are involved in the sex trade and fuck up their lives even more.

CB brands herself as a crusader against male violence against women. Don’t fall for that shit. She doesn’t consider that her career as an attorney for mortgage bankers makes her exactly the type of person who has the institutional power to create poverty in our communities that forces women and children into sex trafficking in the first place. If she really was a crusader against male violence against women, she wouldn’t be defending bankers in court, but in the end she’s nothing but bourgeois scum with a creepy, obsessive hatred for sex workers and trans women.

Something that I don’t get with CB (of which there are many things) is since she focuses on the issue of trans* women claiming the identity of a lesbian as invalid, how does she view self-identified cis lesbians dating trans* women? Would she try to police their identity as well? Anyone know if CB has said anything explicit on that topic? I’m not one for engaging with TERFs in general, and CB in particular, but I’m curious as to what would be the position on this issue. What, is it some sort of sexual false consciousness propagated by the transsexual menace (as if we had mind control beams)? I’m just wondering how lesbians dating us of their own volition could be turned into our fault somehow. ‘Cause it totally is our fault… for bein’ all sexy like.

Pardon my sarcasm. *ducks from impending TERF war*

bold-queer-writes: stardust-and-dirt: me too Perhaps a bit...

Thu, 09 May 2013 19:04:32 -0400

bold-queer-writes:

stardust-and-dirt:

me too

Perhaps a bit TMI but (so stop reading if you don’t like descriptions of sex), that was definitely my reaction after just becoming sexually active. Looking back I think that it had to do in large part to me being trans, like so much of my life. I’m not saying sex was terrible, just that it was not the experience it was built up as.This is probably due to the popular image of what sex is, namely penetration.

I was never really “good” at penetration. Yeah, I suppose I had the “equipment” but that’s all it was to me, equipment. I felt so detached from the experience. Luckily my partner at the time was not really into penetration either. Well let me qualify that, we did do a lot of penetration with her using a strap-on. That was kinda the mainstay of our sexual life, and for the most part it worked. It was that or me going down on her. I never much liked “blow jobs” (wtf, why are they even called that) for the same detached reason as penetration. Most of the time I simply could not get off. So strap-ons and cunnilingus, makes sense now…

Anyways, flash forward, I now feel like I’m (re)discovering sex for the first time and it is much much better. I’m so much more in control over how I define and allow others to interact with my body. Still sex is not the OMG-LIFE-CHANGING event that you see in movies or T.V.

Yet, I don’t think my experience as a trans* person excludes the possibility for my experience to speak to a larger problem over how people still perpetuate narratives about sex. Me being trans* was only part of the issue revolving around a more general social problem around sexuality. Even for those who are not trans*, the issue of what counts as “typical sex” is a problem. My particular journey involves becoming aware of how I want to be touched, what names I want parts of me to be referred to as, and not stressing out about orgasms (which is is the best way never to get one). Things that almost all sexually active people face, be they cis or trans*.

Trans* Allyship 201 – Beyond Basics | Philadelphia Trans-Health Conference

Mon, 06 May 2013 19:17:00 -0400

Trans* Allyship 201 – Beyond Basics | Philadelphia Trans-Health Conference:

So, I’m co-facilitating a panel at the Philadelphia Trans* Health Conference. It’s my first time there as well. Should be exciting! I wanted to shout out to my followers to look at the proposal and give me suggestions on what you would want covered. We’re putting together the material now and want to include as detailed of a perspective.

Like the title suggests it is an allyship panel, one in which I will explain that allyship is earned not something you claim in order to get “I’m a good person” cookies. Beyond that (which is a bit of a topic in itself) we want to focus on how to be not just a ally to trans people on an individual level, but to be a political ally. This would mean recognizing systemic oppression, not just moments of clear bigotry. Race and class will be a big part of that.

If you have anything specifically you would like to see in a panel with that aim, please send me a note. Even if you think I will cover it, I’d still like to poll people on what they think are glaring deficiencies in conversations about allyship. Thanks for reading y’all!

-b/cass

yea…i should shave.. whatever…

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 18:30:30 -0400

yea…i should shave.. whatever…

Hi! I’m Rosa. Genderqueer trans* grrrl queer dyke...

Sun, 28 Apr 2013 18:30:34 -0400

Hi! I’m Rosa. Genderqueer trans* grrrl queer dyke singer/songwriter punk from the East Bay, CA (woo labels are fun). It’s definitely pretty hard to find fellow amab trans* folks who I can get along with. I’m rly glad I found this blog cause wow representation! Even if I don’t consider myself mtf — I’ve always been me, and my gender has gone lots of places, not just male or female. (click the image for my blog)

[An amab trans* grrl in blue jeans, a black and white belt, a sleeveless grey Bruce Springsteen shirt, and a black collar, with a faded pink undercut mostly to one side flips off the camera with both hands and holds her mouth open in an “o”. The purple room she is in, some glass-paned doors, a cd rack, and the edge of a bike are visibe.]

Hello, my name is Em/ma. I am a transfeminine tomboy. Here is a...

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 16:36:39 -0400

Hello, my name is Em/ma. I am a transfeminine tomboy. Here is a photo of my new silly haircut. I hope you like it.

[a mixed/API trans girl with a skrillex haircut, septum and labret piercing, and black dress reclines on a couch and smiles]